"The kind of future I wouldn't wish on any child": Survivors of child sex abuse now fight to protect kids today
Trigger Warning: The following story contains details about sexual abuse and violence that may be disturbing to some.
“Those years left a massive scar”—In Ho Chi Minh City, Dr. Thu teaches kids and adults to prevent child sex abuse
It was a couple of years ago when I realized that what happened to me in my teenage years was sexual abuse. I first experienced sex at 15 years old.
Teenage kids are often curious, and I was no exception back then. So, when [a man] said he would let me touch his chest if I did what he asked, I followed. At first, it was touching and hand-jobs. After a year, the penetration started. I was “trained” to be a toy for his pleasure.
Those years left a massive scar on the way I view life: I cannot connect sex and love. Until this day, when I am already in my 30s, I have never been physically close to anyone that I love. I can only have casual sex with those I have zero feelings with.
It is the kind of future that I would never wish on any child, and it is why I started teaching sex ed: I want kids today to learn to protect themselves first. I prioritize students in middle and high schools. I ask them to draw their “picture of sexuality,” nurturing certain connections with their own body and understand gender diversity.
Then I started joining talks on policy development and implementation. That was when I found that, in Viet Nam, many still find excuses for child sexual abuse, like, “[the kid or underage teen] consented” or “they enjoyed the ‘pleasure.’” That’s just wrong, horribly wrong! Therefore, I always say, “It does not matter whether a child or an underage teen gives permission or acts willingly, it is a violation of the law for any adult engaging in sexual behaviours with them.” Full stop.
I hope that if a child today develops their feeling for someone, they can comfortably seek advice from more experienced people — people that they trust — such as their parents. If adults could teach kids to embrace and navigate their feelings, that means they have allowed their children to understand themselves better in a healthy manner.
“Painting is a way to express my feelings”—In Ha Noi, Tu Thanh Thuy advocates for kids on the autism spectrum
There are times when I wake up feeling as if I were on the edge of a cliff. I have to tell myself not to leap from the balcony outside my window.
Born an abandoned child, I grew up with my paternal grandparents in Can Tho. From a young age, I saw that I had some [health] issues, but only recently, after complete screenings, did I find that I am autistic. It came to me as a revelation.
I was sexually abused by a neighbour all throughout my middle school years. Neither my family or my neighbours believed me. They said that, because I was mentally unstable, I had lured him into touching me. Later on, when I was sexually abused or bullied, people would never side with me. When I was in school, I was dragged to the back of the school yard and beaten up by others at every recess. The worst time was my junior year, when I was cornered and ended up fighting back against others. And I was expelled!
Leaving it all behind, I stepped out into the world. Unfortunately, the same history repeats itself: more abuse and assault, only in different forms.
Now, I once again face bullies because they don’t understand autism or mental disorders. Sometimes, even teachers do not understand, thinking that I am overthinking and self-tormenting.
Even though this world can be rough, there are also many opportunities. I made an effort to finish high school in Da Nang and after, university. I left for Hanoi because of my love for knowledge. Education is the way forward to speak out for people like me.
Besides going to school, my friends and I founded a group that aims to raise awareness on autism, with different activities, including improvisation.
I joined a special painting class for autistic children. Painting is a way to express my feelings. I would like to change society’s perception on autism and do not want other autistic kids have to suffer that I had to.
Every day, I still fight against stigma and discrimination. But I always tell myself every morning, “Today is a new day!”
THE UNITED NATIONS AT WORK IN VIET NAM: In Viet Nam, UN Women works closely with the Government and key partners to advocate for coordinated multi-sectoral prevention and response programmes to end all forms of gender-based violence (GBV) at home, school, work, and public spaces; and violence against migrant workers, women living with HIV/AIDS, LBGTIQ+ people; and early or forced marriage. At a grassroots level, UN Women is working with communities and men and boys to help address gender norms and power relations that help perpetuate violence. UN Women also supports research on gender-based violence to help build the evidence base for laws, policies and programmes.
UN agencies are working together to end gender-based violence in Viet Nam. UNICEF, UN Women, UNFPA, and UNAIDS work with government, civil society, and grassroots communities to end stigma and discrimination, protect the vulnerable, and provide concrete support for those in crisis. Together, UN agencies focus on such vulnerable people as women and girls, LGBTIQ people, and those with HIV/AIDS.
Produced by UN Viet Nam. Adaptation from original stories posted to the UN Viet Nam website: [Humans of Courage] Dr. Thu, Ho Chi Minh City and [Humans of Courage] Tu Thanh Thuy, Ha Noi. The stories were written by Doan Thanh Ha, Communications Consultant, UN Women, Nguyen Thi Nhung, Communications Consultant, UNAIDS. The adaptation was edited by Paul VanDeCarr, Development Coordination Office. To learn more about the work taking place in Viet Nam, visit: https://vietnam.un.org/.
